Ann's Recent Memories:

The last six and a half years have been very special. You wouldn’t think a stroke and a cancer diagnosis would be things to celebrate. But I can honestly say they have been.

With the help of a fantastic team of carers, who have become friends, I have been able to spend real quality time with my mum and get to know her in a new way.

We had our moments of course. You’d know when you crossed a line, and you got ‘the look’. But increasingly I met the totally loving sweetheart that was and is my little mum.

She was generous, thoughtful, kind, able, sharp witted, funny, very sociable, stylish, loyal, reliable, strong willed, dedicated, generous and loving. Above all, a word that so many people have written to me in the last couple of weeks, she was elegant.

We had fun in the charity shops, we went to lots of cafes, we walked and subsequently wheeled around public and private gardens. We did many crosswords, read newspapers and shouted the answers to Eggheads and Mastermind on the tele - although we struggled with the understanding questions on University Challenge! Her sharp mind continued to engage with the affairs of the day till the end.

In the first years she enjoyed going out to visit friends, being showered with love and affection at Wives’ meetings and she could still play her beloved bridge - with a specially made card holder. She was always delighted when friends came to see her.

She was open minded and willing to embrace new things. She enjoyed champagne - good champagne – which she often categorised as medicinal. Post stroke, she was happy to adopt non-alcoholic fizz. She even drank and advocated a daily green juice – not bad for 93.

Many people have told me how friendly she was and that she was the first person they met when they came to Woldingham – and this crosses a wide age span. Many of those friends are here today. Others have said how easily she laughed and how much fun they had together – not least, two of a much younger generation – her favourite 7 year old twin boys. One of them wrote: ‘I’m going to miss her. I have had so much fun meeting her.’

In the last week of her life when we were nursing her full time, I asked her if she thought she would be leaving us soon. And she answered yes. I asked if she was ready and she asked if I was ready. I said yes. She completely took charge of her experience that week – of her living until it was time to leave. And I found that really moving.

During this time she had some special moments with a number of people close to us. And I asked her if she knew just how special she was to so many people. She paused and thought about it. And to my delight, said yes.

I want to thank all of you - friends and family here today. Thank you for coming. And thank you from both of us for your continued support during these years. Karen was such a sociable person. She always said she hated being the centre of attention – but none of us quite believed that!

Anyhow, she was so very grateful to you, her friends, for your kindness, your visits and still including her, when she was less able. Woldingham is a remarkable place and she never missed an opportunity to tell outsiders this. She loved it here. She loved the community. It was a Little Dane’s home for 64 years.

When you visited my mum, and it was time to go, you would say goodbye and she would hold out her hand and take yours and hold it. For a long time. And when you eventually reached the door, she would think of a new topic of conversation to stop you leaving.

On the morning of her death, she was sleeping peacefully and Tes, Christine and I were talking at the foot of her bed. After an hour or so, Christine said she had to go. And at that very point, my mum’s breathing altered. Within a few minutes, she had quietly and peacefully moved on, at home, with us, just as she’d wanted, on her own terms. It was beautiful. Stylish and elegant in life, also in passing.

Little Mum - Thank you for your steadfast love, thoughtfulness and dedication over the years. You have been a splendid mum to me, a loving and loyal wife to my dad, a valued aunt, great aunt and grand-god-mother! And a fantastic friend to countless others.

We have been blessed to have had you with us and will miss you very much.

…//…

We’re going to play a piece of music now. And there’s a story.

My mum woke up one morning recently and told me that she had dreamt of her funeral. My friend Ruth had played the violin and it was so beautiful that Dr Hinkes, her GP, had asked Rev Catherine, if we could all clap. Apparently Rev Catherine said yes. Here is the recording now – for your own memories of Karen.